| *IMPORTANT |
[13 Apr 2008|12:39am] |
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okay guys, im moving back to my old LJ so save up on that one !
it just cause the advertistments piss me off :)
so add this one : jackiiiemayy
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| NEW PLANS ! |
[09 Apr 2008|08:12pm] |
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So, heres the new plan (:
me and jr gaoat are gonna be transferring to WARD :)
ahaha, he knows why ! ahah. mainly for me cause i
dont wanna go to pope. and something else. ahah
ITS GONNA BE LIVE EVERYDAY RIGHT JR :)
what a great plan !
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| how it is. |
[09 Apr 2008|06:23pm] |
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cause life without you is like a pencil with no lead,
pointless.
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| HEART'S DIRECTION |
[06 Apr 2008|11:54pm] |
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so ive came back from yfc, C2 in HEART'S DIRECTION. word, it was really fun. i didnt serve, but i visited =) ahah. i love all the participants. met a lot of cool great people. i met a HOT GUY ! WHAT WHAT ! hes hot ;) NO i dont like him. hes just HOT dunkno. ahha. me and ivy were fooling around during the break. ahah, we were like roaming around shadow lake. i met this guy named David ! omgosh ! hes like the COOLEST. ahah, hes like a big brother ! ahah, he goes up to me and hes like hi im david and im like im jackie then he hugs me and say awww ! your so cute jackie. ahah ! i love david, hes supadupa cool ! yeye ! ahah aww man ! i miss KUYA RAM ! i seen him yesterday at the camp. =) i havent seen him since e-rally which was in MARCH o_o i see him, i run to him and hug him ! omgosh ! i love him. i freaken miss him =( he just had to be cluster 1 head ! darn ! but im happy for him. aha, had a funny conversation with josh. took his hat. eww, hes like ill come visit you at pope jackie, we can be BFF ! im like uh NO. dont come back to pope, no one wants you there x) ahah. then random hes like : JACKIE, rhymes with PACKIE ! -.- geez josh. YOUR FAT. anyways, amalia and ernest was really stressful. once i got to scarborough we went to st.joseph for a mass, and i prayed my heart out for them, that things would go well. hopefully, it helped. i really love amee. shes my inspiration, my big sister in yfc. she was the first person to make me feel welcomed in yfc. shes always there for me, and i thank her for everything =) anyways. im gonna go sleep. SCHOOL -.- i need to learn to sleep early -_- anyways, creative meeting tmrw with camp rescued's creative team ♥ its gonna be BOMB !
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| lets blow off steam, shall we ? |
[03 Apr 2008|10:37pm] |
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HOLY FRIGGEN SHIT ! frig ! your acting like a fucking asshole right now ! geeeeez. ive been saying sorry to you and your like I HATE YOU. yeknow what ? fuck you ! like seriously, i dont like you right now. you pissed me off so fucking much in the past, i always end up forgiving you cause we are "friends". you probably dont even wanna be friends at this moment but whatever. shit guy, you take it so fucking serious ! shit ! it was a fucking joke ! and i didnt even start it. but you stll talk to the perosn who started it ? THE FUCK. whatever. you can talk shit about me all you want, cause i know you are. im not stupid. its not like you dont talk shit about people behind there fucking backs. whatever. this is for another person. YOUR SUCH A FRIGGEN FAG ! tired of, yeah ? im not gonna expose anything. but stll YOU FRIGGEN LEFT US. THE FUCK. WHATEVER. I DONT FRIGGEN LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW. SERIOUSLY. LIKE, I FUCKING BARELY KNOW YOU RIGHT NOW. but whatever. people change. people act stupid. people are assholes. but whatever.
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| just so you know. |
[31 Mar 2008|12:06am] |
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never could imagine life without you. from the moment you walked into my world. never knew how long a loving flame would burn. but losing you has forced me to learn. that we cant change the way we feel inside. and every try at love never turns out right.and i dont know how to be fine when i'm not cause i don't know how to make the feelings stop. just so you know this feelings taking control of me and i can't help it i wont sit around. though you should know. i've tryed my best to let go of you. but i don't want to i just gotta say it all before you go. just so you know. Just the thought of you with another girl, Makes me lose control, I'm going out of my mind. When we were together, you made me feel better than anyone could ever. All the pain and troubles, just burst away like bubbles.
...just so you know.
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| it just gets to me. |
[30 Mar 2008|02:13am] |
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music |
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whatever it takes. |
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just got back from a famjam. ( april's 15th birthday ) word, never had a famjam since new years. didnt even spend time with the birthday girl. basically chilled with kelly, nicole, ivy, christine, and one of april's friends. pretty jokes still. Kelly rapping. ahah, didnt even finish it. (8) ye ! represent ! yo ! check it ! ma girls and i ! blahblah blahblah irene and i ! yo, my name is kelly mendoza sometihng something sometihng, i aint 16,17,18 or 19 ! ahha, sooo funny. rapping for like an hour ? well, basically laughing at her tryna be gangster. ahah, IMA BUST YO ASS ! word, kelly's so " gangster " now. aha. famjams are so different now.... idk why.. i barely see or spend time with family. older we get, less time we have for fam. sigh.. feels like im not even close with anyone in my family. execpt for joseph. my family, were not even close. the only thing thats keeping us together is my sister's baby. im always fighting with my parents. my sister and her family are moving next year and my brother's barely home.. if we didnt have my sister's baby, my parents and my sister wouldnt even be talking. my brother's always so busy with work and school. 2 jobs : manager for chuck e cheese, plus a photographer. and he has school. and he comes home at like 12 or 1 in the morning... i seriously miss all the family partys we use to have. like, just going over each other's houses for dinner. poker or just cause you wanna see family and spend time with them. we NEVER do that anymore. and it sucks... i seriously wish it was like that again. when everyone had time FOR family.
" The older we get, the less time we have for family. cherish every moment you have with them, before there all gone.. "
btw.
HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY APRIL ANN MENDOZA♥
iloveyou cousin.
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| =) |
[29 Mar 2008|03:27am] |
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just got off the phone with justin cornell jordan james. ahah talking to justin most of the time. WHACK ass conversation with the little man. ahah. word, hes still pretty cool ;) was gonna pull an all nighter with cornell, too tired cause i came back from niagra today.and i have to wake up early. plus cornell and them have a game tmrw. aha, tmrw night. and im gonna win me another $25 from cornell cause hes gonna sleep before me ! aha.
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| I guess im not.. |
[29 Mar 2008|01:18am] |
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The Rundown. I told James that ive let you go.. wow, was i lying to myself. why is it everytime i try to forget about you and try to stop my feelings towards you, i just cant let go. im not sure whats making me hold on to you for so long now. maybe because i really did love you. maybe because your the only guy i did everything for. maybe, maybe because... i dont even know anymore. i never knew get dumped hurts like hell. i dont even know what to do anymore...
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| sorry. |
[26 Mar 2008|11:07am] |
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before i leave for Niagra Falls, i just wanna say sorry to 2 people. i really am. i didnt wanna take anything from you guys. i seriously see how happy you guys are. and im sooooo stupid exposiing myself on livejournal. i really am sorry for creating shit for you too. but i see you guys worked things out. really happy for you guys. i shouldnt have wrote that. or did ANYTHING. im sorry, i really am.
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| GONE. |
[25 Mar 2008|04:27pm] |
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well, im GONE ! gone for 3 days :) what what ! ahah, im leaving for Niagra Falls tormorrow for 3 days.booyah ! y'all gonna miss me ? ya best ! i lied. LOL. going to niagra with my most favourite cousin Joseph " FATMAN " Mendoza. word, he really is my favourite cousin. i usually end up telling him EVERYTHING thats going on. we have our laughs and jokes. even though hes FAT, i love him off -.- ahah you'll never hear me say that again ! soo, ill be back in 3 days ! woo ! if you want me to get you something, get@me ill try my best to get it for you.
His 3rd Birthday at my old house
since 1994
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| regrets ? |
[24 Mar 2008|10:22pm] |
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Another Last Chance |
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was it a regret breaking up with you ? do i really miss you that much ? yes, it was a regret breaking up with you. yes i really miss you that much. you really showed me you care. you were there for me through the break up. but i just threw that all the way. you understood what i was going through. i should of waited a bit. but i thought i could get over that person just like that. guess i was wrong. i seriously regret breaking up with you. i really do. you have someone. she makes you happy, right ? i know she does. i saw your face and i couldnt help but think about seeing you and couldnt stop thinking about you. you and your cousin came up to me. hugged her and didnt say anything to you. how stupid was i. i wanted to say something, but i was too shy, now, im sitting her, reminiscing and just missing you. am i asking for another chance ? we'll see
" I've scewed up over and over again. When will things get better ? "
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| HAPPY 1 MONTH JT & KG ! |
[24 Mar 2008|12:08am] |
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HAPPY 1 MONTH FAM & KELLY !
this entries for jr tubon and kelly garcia :)
happy 1 month you guys =)
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| :) |
[23 Mar 2008|04:40pm] |
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For the Nights I Can't Remember |
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well, my day is going pretty well. bought honeydew bubbletea, watching run's house, and saw my most favourite cousin ( joseph fatman mendoza ) at the viet place where i bought bubbletea, and he came over for an hour. we played some rockband, and killed him. after church went to eat at a japanese resturant w/ parents, and sister's family. yup, my day is going pretty good. execpt for the fact i was falling alseep at church (N). other than that, yup, my day is going pretty smoothly =)
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| 4 MONTHS DOWN BESTFRIEND ! |
[23 Mar 2008|12:11am] |
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HAPPY 4 MONTHS JORDAN MATTHEW PAGUYO SANTOS !
told you so jordan ! i told you id make a journal entry about the 4 months ive known you for =) ! anyways, the past for months has been filled with laughs, realtalks, memories everytime i talk to you, you manage to put a smile on my face =) word, thats no flirt at all ! im just thanking the coolest person in the world for everything you have done for me. you seriously help me with everything. i cant thank you enough jordan. youve been there for me through basically EVERYTHING. no lies, you know it BALLIN ! cheyea =) okay, now its time to look back at all the greatest memories we had together. obviously we cant forget about N237 ! the first time we started to talk and the beginning of a wonderful friendship. ahah the first time i was on the phone with you. word, i was so quiet ! ahah, im always quiet on the phone when its the first time, usually :D aha. but, we started talking a lot and now, he talk like non stop on the phone ! ahah. oh oh remember, SCREENSHOT ! ahha ! that was funny. we were on webcam and then on the phone you were like did you take screen shots ?! i was like ahahha ! its PRINTSCREEN ! hmmm, what else ? oh, you cant forget the first time i saw you ! lmfao, you clamied i poke you in the eye when YOU poked yourself in the eye xD ahah ! word jordan ! remember i gave you a lot of pennies and $10 for no reason :D ahah ! aww man, i miss it. hmmm, what else ? random msn talks, random phone talks, RANDOM ADD XD ahahah ! we have a lot of memories that i cant even remember all of them cause there TOO MANY ! aww man, seriously jordan, you are a TRUE BESTFRIEND. theres no one like you in this world, and im not even lieing. honestly, theses past 4 months have been the best. you give me the greatest advice. seriously. jordan, im still hoping, praying, dreaming, wishing that one day, our families will be as tight as we are. i really want that to happen. oh btw, YOU GOT ME INTO HONEYDEW BUBBLETEA :D SERIOUSLY GUY, thank you :) one of the things in life that keep me happy :) urgh jordan, if i havent know you from this day i wouldnt be doing this right now :) honestly, im glad i met you. thanks always jordan for having my back even with the stupid problems i have. thanks for being a TRUE BESTFRIEND.
* TOOTSIE ROLL THAT HOE ! CRANK THAT TOOTSIE ROLL // DORA & BOOTS : SCOOBY DOO // POOP & POO // HAWWT & DAWG // TALKING PLAIN ! // SCREENSHOT ! // HOM-EH-ER ! // PURPLE - YELLOW & BLACK ! // JORDIN SPARKS : JACKIE CHAN // HONEYDEW BUBBLETEA // FORREAL ?! FORREL ?! // DO WHAT THE DOODAS DO ! // HIGH 4 ! // BREATHING ISSUES : PROBLEMS // ASIAN POSE IT UP // NO NAME BRAND SWEATER ( TNA ) // TOUR OF MY ROOM ON WEBCAM // GRAFFITI ADDICTS ! // REESES : STARBRUST : AIRHEADS // HOMIE & HOMESKLLET // COOLEST PRESON IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD ! // TRUE BESTFRIEND. - thanks for the memories
N237 - M238 - " it feels like i met you my whole life. "
" turn frustration into determination. "
- jordan matthew paguyo santos
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| deux tingz. |
[22 Mar 2008|10:12pm] |
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Two things that make me happy : - Run's House
- Honeydew Bubbletea
Now, if i had those two things daily, life as i know it would be half perfect. but, as you know, you cant have everything in the world. but what you do is try to do is to live life to the fullest and the best way you can. Too bad my family wasnt like Rev Run's Family. Even though his family has problems they get through it all together. they dont single anyone out or not try to fix it.
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| But the memories don't seem to go away, no.. |
[22 Mar 2008|02:43pm] |
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Re-Write Memories |
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well, im stuck at home, just listening to music and waiting my parents to hurry up and finish cleaning so i can get out of the house on a beautiful sunny Saturday. music playing ? re-write the memories... cant stop listening to it. going around facebook, found it, fell in love with it..
(8)
Flashback, Time passed
then nothin's the same
Lost our Love in
Too many games
Tryna let go of you, but seriously, its way too hard. ive been trying for 2 months now..and it feels like i cant let go and im gonna hang on forever... its hard letting go of everything we had. it was really special. looking at the pictures, msn conversations and that one time when you called me and you were like JACKIE ! yeah ? and you said something and im WHAT ?! and you said it again, and im like WHAT ?! and your like OH NEVERMIND ! and i was like jordan ? and you were like NO, KEAN -.- i was like OH ! im sorry ! you sound the same ! and you were like, aha its okay :) i just called back to say goodnight. that was seriously so sweet ! and then your sister came and said :O YOUR ON THE PHONE !!! and you just said bye :) aha, that was really funny.. and really honestly sweet..
Anyways, right now im sitting in my brothers room on his laptop and just watching Run's House. Right now, i feel like i need to see PLAN right now ! we seriously need a friken chillage ! like, soon ? yes ? agreed. aha. pretty hungry right now. aha, WORD.
" To have somebody real close to you , When you lost that trust, You basically lose everything
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| Happy Ex 3 Months... |
[22 Mar 2008|12:00am] |
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missing me |
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MARCH 22, 2008 - Happy Ex 3 Months...
well, today was supposely suppose to be our 3 months... but yeknow, we gotta let these things go.. i know were not together anymore, and we arent as close as we use to be.. but as long as were still friends, im fine with that. i know you have a girl right now and i bet you anything, she makes you happy. As long as your happy, im fine with that. i want you too happy. and if she really does make you truely happy, then im happy for you. all i want for you is to be happy. honestly, you made me the happiest girl alive. just talking to you brought a smile to my face. When i was with you, i was happy every single day because knowing i had you in my life was so important to me and just made me so happy. i havent felt this happy to be with someone. i still think about DECEMBER 22, 2007 and JANUARY 4, 2008 because i felt the most happiest on those exact days. December 22, 2007 because it was a start of something so wonderful and great and January 4, 2008 because i got to you see you. we didnt talk as much, but i dont care. i got hugs from you and a present ill always keep. I did anything just to be able to see you and did whatever it took to keep our relationship strong. i went all the way to square one alone which took about 2 hours just to see you. and i had to lie to my parents too. my sister told me i was stupid of going all the way down there to see you.. but if you know how crazy in love i was with you, id risk anything to spend time with you.. Seriously, you truely made me the happiest girl alive. Now, you have a new special someone, and shes a pretty lucky girl to have you. hopefully, we can get back to being really good friends and just talked like we use to..
" im not even lieing, i really miss you and everything we had together.. but maybe.. maybe its time to let go of all that.. knowing its gonna be hard for me. "
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| i just dont know. |
[19 Mar 2008|11:50pm] |
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hmmm, where to begin ? well, right now, i feel so much pain coming down on me.. its so hard to explain how i feel. like, i know we've been over and done for almost 2 months now, and it still gets to me. like, i cant even let go of you, even though you probably just forgotten everything we've been through. all the memories, the laughs, the first time i finally got to see you, msn talks, everything. how can i let go of something that is so special to me ? seeing you with someone, it just hurts. every night before i sleep, im always thinking about that special thing we had together. then the tears just start coming down on me because it hurts a hell lot knowing you threw everything away, just ended it all of sudden, not even trying to fix things. People keep telling me to keep my head up high and say there's a guy that is out there for you.. and i believed it was YOU. Tashya told me that, if i really want you to see that i really did care for you, then i should fight for you. fight for something so important to me. but if you dont realize and dont even care how hard im trying to fight for you, then i should just let you go. its just not worth it if im like putting my heart into fighting for you, when you dont even care. im wasting my time. Jordan told me that i shouldnt let a guy get to me. i have friends and family whos always gonna be there for me and who i can count on to stand by my side. i try my best to talk all that into consideration but like, i always find myself still hanging onto you. theres just something about you that keeps me holding on. im not even gonna lie to you, your like the only guy i actually did anything for. i always tried my best to find a way to see you, even if it meant risking getting caught by my parents, i still did it for YOU. i prayed and prayed to God that one day id finally get to see you. and God answered my prayer on FRIDAY JANUARY 4, 2008. i can never forget that day. i got to see you and spend sometime with you. plus, i got to see ckatt, which are one of the greatest bunch of people i know. if i havent gotten to know you better i wouldnt have met really great friends, like : Jordan, Kloe, Justin, Cornell, James, Ron, Josenne, Jeri-Lou. I really wanna thank you for that. even though all this pain hurts me so much, i still wanna thank you for everything you have giving me, special your love. i really did love and care for you with all my heart. honestly, i thought we would go far. you were the only guy that was in my mind, thats not even lie. even though you thought there was another guy, there wasnt on that day you decided to end it all, i seriously cried my eyes out cause the one guy who i loved so much and cared for, he just stopped. he just stopped caring.. threw all our memories in the garbage. i just felt my heart stop beating. i just couldnt believe it. i didnt want to believe it, but it did happen. A week after, i went out with someone else, because that person was always there for me, he even told me he would dedicate his whole life for me and i saw that he really did love me. thats why i answered him a yes when he asked me out. but the thing was, i wasnt fully commited to him because my feelings towards you was so strong and i thought by going out with him, id ferget about you. oh man, i was wrong. and now i reget breaking up wtih that perosn cause like, he showed me he really did care for me, and loved me. Im not saying you didnt do that but like it felt like you didnt show me enough. like i dont know... everyday after school i rush home to get to the computer to wait for you to go online. and one week, you didnt go online and i felt so miserable not talking to you.. but like, now a days, your online like for the whole day, even late at night.. but yeknow, whatever. My experience with you taught me to be careful with my relationships. i really did love you and did and still is dedicating my life to you.
Learn from Yesterday, Live for Today, Hope for Tomorrow.
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